Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I need to stop coming to work sober
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
