Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
