i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
