I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
