i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
