I am in a vortex of obligation.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
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she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
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One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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