Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize