she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
