I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
