i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
