just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
