Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
