: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
