YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
