Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
