On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
