You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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