I have demons in me.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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