Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
