I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
