then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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