I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
