He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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