I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
