Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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