K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
