If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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