I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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