I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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