We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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