I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
