tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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