I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
smell my finger.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
