she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
