First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
now i know why i became what i already was.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
