Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
