Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
