my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I am one with the molecules
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
