lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
