i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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