Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
