Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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