She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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