So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He passed out mid-signature
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
