I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
sarcasm needs its own font
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
