I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
