hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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