i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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