chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
