I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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