Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
