Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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