So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Come share oat with me in your robe
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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