She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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