I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
