i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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