i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
