Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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