Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
