my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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