I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
