just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Sorry about my life...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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