never play flip cup with pint glasses
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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