I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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