Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
