Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
