HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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