Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
