I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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