I puked a lego.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
