If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
